A good start in life....

Growing up, many of us have heard the words, 'you will know when you become a parent yourself!'. Sometimes these words are said in anger, sometimes in despair, sometimes with resignation and wisdom....but whatever the emotion, I must acknowledge the truth behind these words, for I've indeed often felt that I realised the value of my parents not only after I became a mother myself, but even before that, shortly after I married and moved away from home....

One assumes that all parents are caring, and put their children and their well being before that of their own. Sadly we all know that is not always the case. Oh, I'm not talking about the extreme end of the spectrum here - where a parent (or God forbid - both of them) is a diabolical creature, and sets out to abuse the child in innumerable ways. I'm talking of those who are more of a regular occurrence than you and I would imagine. One also assumes it is natural and thus easy for a parent to be always giving and forgiving, kind and compassionate, generous and encouraging towards their off spring - no matter what their behaviour maybe!

I remember the shock I felt when I saw a mother take away from her adult son something he saved and bought for himself, to be given away to her husband! I remember the shock I felt when I saw a selfish couple argue about who had more of a right to their son's well being - more than he did himself! This young man - a good friend of mine - was dating a lovely (both appearance and character wise), young English girl. My friend had been widowed - the wife had committed suicide, a very tragic but true story. After a few years he met this lovely young girl - he was of course much older than her. The parents objected - she would not be right for us, culturally and otherwise! He bowed in to their pressure...and lo and behold, a few years later, fell in love with an american lady - this one was a divorcee, and older than him too....and guess what the parents felt? "the other one was better - can't you go back to her? Atleast she was young!".

But this was not the only issue - they would always somehow put their wants and needs before that of their son's. As one grows older, one sees parents trying to exert control over their child's life, trying to live it on their behalf! While age does give us all the wisdom that life's experiences have taught us, it doesn't necessarily give us some divine talent of always knowing  what is right, or the right to tell someone how to live their lives!

I digress - the reason I began writing this was to acknowledge - with gratitude - what my parents did for me. They never gave us sermons, didn't preach, did not stop us from whatever foolish dreams we may - or may not! - have had. Some may say they did not 'push' us to perform better, but I disagree. I know the natural tendency is to what the best for your child, and thus in some way or form coerce or atleast get involved in his/her life choices. My parents just lived their life in a decent manner - thus teaching us right from wrong. I know for certain the numerous sacrifices my mother made to ensure we had what we needed. My father allowed her the freedom and the liberty to rule the roost, without interfering with her ways. We did not hear words of reassurrences - but were never in doubt that they were always there for us. We did not get hugs - or were not told how much we were loved - but none of us were ever in doubt of the love they had for us. They did not rave and rant or shout and threaten - and yet we had a strong, healthy sense of respect for them - and did not cross the invisible line! And somehow we also knew that even if we ever did so - they would still be there for us!

So this is an ode to my lovely, wonderful parents - I tell my friends this very often, and it is so true - they were way ahead of their times! Thank you, amma and appa. Thank you God - for allowing me to be born to my parents, who are like no other. What a wonderful start in life!

Oh - and yes, they were right - I have appreciated them more since I became a parent myself!

To amma with love

As I think about my recent visit to India, I think of my mother, as I often do. At 84 she still has a sharp memory, and a keen interest in the goings on in life. I remember dad often too...and shall write a separate blog on him next. This blog is about the wonderful qualities they have passed on to me!

Much has been said about the positve nature of the Gopalans, and by God's grace all of us siblings seem to have acquired that. From now I'll be referring to just the qualities I've acquired, this doesn't mean my siblings haven't inherited these, but hey they could write their own blog on this subject too!

I was once told by a friend, "you never lose your dignity, no matter what", and it made me realise that dignity is a core characteristic of mine that I truly value the most. And this has definitely come from my mother - I don't remember her ever getting into a public fight, and have seen her often walk away from what could be a potentially ugly scene.  I also don't ever remember her complaining or whining about the problems in her life - she handled it all with such easy elegance and panache!

She also always sees the good side of people and issues - and boy has this been a wonderful treasure to have acquired. For of course no man or woman is perfect - and what good would it do to focus on each other's imperfections and faults?

I must mention the ability to be happy with what you've too here - as I grow older and see more of the world and people, I realise this is something that you either have or don't. You could have the world at your feet and yet find something wrong - with the world, the platter or even your own two feet! Amma didn't look for any worldly goods - just strived to be happy with her lot.

The gift of being able to treat one and all as the same - no matter what you have or don't, no matter who the other person is or isn't...I remember the manner in which amma would treat our domestic help - always willing to help her out, even when we had so little ourselves. And always treat the help with respect - there was no yelling at or belittling them.  

Her ability to refrain from worrying, and total, unquestioning faith in someone, something higher taking care of things for her are two other gifts she has kindly passed on to us all.  I wish I'd inherited her tremendous will power though - it might help a long way in keeping chocolates away from me!  Only time will tell if I've the same ability as her to bear no grudges to those who have been unkind to me in my past!

With God's grace (and Raja's!) I've been blessed with a life of plenty. Added to that is my wonderful inheritance from my parents - a lot of it from amma. I'm sure it is these qualities that keep my feet firm on the ground and enable me to treat all men and women as equal, and lead life in a dignified and content manner.

To my lovely amma, with admiration, love & gratitude....

Vasanthi

Winter

On my walk yesterday I noticed that the pavements had been cleared of all the fallen autumn leaves, as frost can make it a very slippery slope otherwise. The trees are almost bare, save those few oak leaves hanging on defiantly. Ironically, these were the first to begin to shed their leaves, and perhaps now regret having started the onset of winter! It was a very cold day – I felt the chill piercing my face like sharp, icy needles . The bare silhouettes of the trees against a grey sky had a beauty of their own, if a rather solemn and sombre one. The silence that the once chirping birds have left behind hangs heavily in the air. There was a strong feeling of something enormous waiting just round the corner....

All this makes me reflect on the autumn just gone by, was it only a few days ago? Of the many facets of the weather, autumn strikes me as a vibrant and bright mother, aging gracefully. She knows there's trouble ahead for her offspring, and tries to ward it off for as long as she possibly can (she reminds me of my own mother - who has aged gracefully, and who always makes many delicacies for me to enjoy before I depart at the end of my annual visits). The leaves turn into bright and beautiful colours - and even a drive along the motorway is suddenly a glorious experience. As the land here is undulating, I always hold my breath on an upward climb, as the downward slope is sure to burst with colour - the golden, yellow, rust and bright red trees that border the motorways. Young saplings of many varieties of trees can be spotted all along the sides of the road, encased in metallic cylinders for support. These saplings will soon be transplanted onto the sides of other roads and motorways, thus ensuring not only the continuity of the flora but also many more dazzling displays to be enjoyed by generations to come. Autumn holds back the winter with as much strength as she can muster, holding on to the leaves that the mighty hand of winter tries to shake off . Alas, she ultimately gives in-  for  winter gets a helping hand from the gusty winds....but Autumn is not easily forgotten, and her loving attempts have left behind a warm glow in my heart, making me smile in remembrance, with gratitude and love.

TV programmes

I started my blog page as a kind of journal, to record things about the UK that I'll miss most once we return to India for good. While I've indeed meandered from that path often, I decided that this blog will be on anoher aspect I will miss terribly about this place - the TV programmes!

I've just finished watching one fabulous drama on TV and am onto another one now, and thought that asscripts go these are dramas that will probably not be attempted in India for a while now. Sad, as I remember some of the Hindi tv serials of the late '80s. 'Fauji', which gave Shah Rukh Khan his first major role and thus a big break; 'ados-pados' - that wonderful comedy with Ashok Kumar in the lead (I maybe wrong about the cast here!) , and who could forget the wonderful 'Malgudi Days', based on R K Lakshman's book? But now-a-days the serials appear to be more melo drama than essence or solid scripts, more focus on make-up than expressions...I know what you will say, that I hardly watch any of these, but the glimpses I catch on my annual visits to India is what I'm going by.

Anyway - here's why I will miss the television programmes of the UK:

Factual documentaries:

Sir David Attenborough is famous all over the world for his coverage of the anumal and plant kingdom. His latest - the BBC production of the 'Frozen Planet' (covering Alaska, Antartica, Iceland, the North Pole - to name but a few regions covered) has somehow surpassed all his previous ones. Technological advances ofcourse are the main reason - watching the snow crystals in high definition makes you gasp, but the coverage of the penguins, Walruses, Sharks, Seals....absolutely breath taking, not only because the intelligence of these animals is amazing, but also for the trouble, effort that the production team go through to enable us view this stunning production. And there are so many such wonderful factual documentaries, riveting in its content, sometimes controversila, sometimes provoking, but almost always amazing...

Life style based entertainment:

One of the tv programmes that has been a great help in encouraging and cultivating my gardening skills and interest in the 'Gardeners' World', produced by the BBC. Each half hour episode has 3 or 4 presenters, each covering a totally different aspect of gardening : while one would show you how to propogate a Daahlia, another will take you on a visit to some stunning garden....yet another will show you step-by-step how to erect a garden fence! And so on and so forth. This programme has been around for decades now, still going strong. And its not the only one of its genre, but the one I never fail to watch.

Cookery shows are a-plenty, in fact one is beginning to get tired of these now! But having said that, the creativity of 'Master Chef' - a contest for the ultimate show winning chef - is quite a challenge worth watching. The participants move on to  tougher tasks, sometimes cooking a whole 3 course meal for the army barracks and at other times having to prepare a school lunch, which involves one main dish and a dessert, but in time and cooked well and served hot - to more than 100 students, in a given period of time!

Panel/Quiz shows

The whole family watches the University Challenge - which originated as a radio show in 1953, but moved on to the television in 1959, and except for a short break in between has been going strong ever since! The concept is simple, various Universities participate in the quiz, 2 Universities go head to head in each show, with 4 participants in each team, and is finally whittled down to the 2 contesting teams from who the winner emerges. Nail biting drama at its best!

Sports quiz - a programme that has been televised since its conception in 1968! Wow...I was just 7 years old then...! But once again, 2 teams with the captains remaining the same, but are joined by 2 different sports personalities each, and the questions range from their own chosen field to anything that comes under the sporting umbrella! And they're so funny too, one of the most entertaining programmes that we watch as a family.

News round-up quiz - Famously referred to as 'HIGNFY', 'Have I got news for you'

has been broadcast since 1990, currently the BBC's longest-ever running television panel show. The team captains have remained the same over the years, the compere changing with each episode, and they round up the most important news stories, and take the Mickey out of everyone, from the Prime Minister to the Queen, from Simon Cowell to Russel Crowe...and it is not only uproariosly funny but also very informative, and as a family I guess this is the one we would all vote for!

There are plenty of such 'panel shows' aired, Never mind the buzzcocks is a music-based quiz show, but once again funny, 'Would I lie to you' has same captains but different celebrities joining them and each one reads out and justifies something written on a card and given to them, the something not revealed to them until the moment they read it out, and yet they have to build up a story on the spot to make their explanation convincing, and the opposite team has to guess if this is a 'truth' or a 'lie'. Never before has such decisions been so funny!

The Dramas:

These have to be my all time favourites, and what I will personally miss the most. The fabulous dramas, be it the genre of murder mysteries or thrillers or just pure fiction. I'm not referring to the soaps that have gone on for decades, I don't have the patience to watch these. I'm talking of dramas - either one offs or series - where the script and acting is so fabulous that it grips you from start to finish, and you never want it to end...I began this blog as I was affected/moved by 2 dramas that I watched recently, one in fact is yet to conclude. The first one follows the lives of a few of the jurors in a murder re-trial, while following the trial unravel side by side. A very unusual story line, some a tad controversial too (one of the juror is a teacher who has just ended an affair with a 17yr old student). The 2nd drama is aptly titled 'The Slap'. It all begins with a slap - which occurs at the 40th birthday party of a man. His close friends and immediate family attend, he is of Greek origin, married to a black woman. His mother is a stero-typical Greek, father tries to keep the family together. One of the frinds' son behaves like a brat, annoying everyone, and finally the cousin of the man whose birthday it is gives this boy a slap. A huge hullaballo erupts, each one taking a different angle, while the mother of said child reports the incident to the police - thus forcing all those who attended to take sides, and deal with family pressure while doing so. Each episode follows the story of one main character, and there are so many controversial ideas involved (the Greek mother curses the 'black' daughter-in-law in her language, while hugging her...there's a lot of racism, a bit of violence...also the mother of said child is still breast-feeding him, despite him being almost 3 yrs old..and so on. And there's no hysteria or melo drama while tackling (or just acting) the various ideas. Simply fabulous.

The Foreign dramas/series

Another aspect of all this telecast is that besides the various programmes produced here in Britain, quite a few are 'imported' from other countries. These are mostly from the US, needless to say. The fabulous series of 'The Wire', which had the viewer hooked to the extent that when the whole series concluded one was left bereft, mourning the death of a wonderful programme. Then there is the stylish multi-award winning 'Mad Men', murder mystery solvers like 'Castle', 'The Mentalist' to name but two...cop drama 'Chicago Code' is a recent entry, as is 'Rizzoli & Issles'. But the best recent forein import has to be the Dutch 'The Killing', currently running its second series. The whol programme is telecast in the original - ie dialogues are in Dutch - with English sub-titles. Despite this small annoying factor, this drama has affected me so much in terms of its production and impact that I plan to pen a blog just on 'The Killing'!

So, here's a toast to the wonderful television programmes telecast in this country - I'm sure going to miss you all....

The onset of autumn....

Purple berries

                                                                          
As I go for a walk, I breathe in the fresh air of another beautiful, sunny day...all of a sudden the whole of UK has been presented with a surprise - a few sunny days, almost as if mother nature has realised she had missed us on her summer rounds and is trying to assuage her guilt by granting us these few days. Some of the flowering plants that were beginning to go into slumber have woken up, and are scrambling to make the most of this gift by putting out some of their last offerings...cheerful petunias poking their heads up again, the ladylike Fushias rising up elegantly. The brightly coloured cheeky Begonias grin with unabashed smugness, as if to say to their fellow plants, '..told you not to be in such a hurry...' . However, the sharp nip in the air and the changing colours around announce the quiet arrival of autumn. I love autumn, but her onset in itself is quite something. Creepers changing colours...some walls and fences are now smothered in a mass of red/rust/orange/maroon heart shaped leaves. Some creepers and climbers are covered in berries - orange, red, white, yellow...there are some new purple berries this year, I make a mental note to google this species, for the berries are really rich and vibrant in their colour. Some bushes are defiantly pushing autumn away - brave little rose buds, some that may never quite bloom...the petunias, pansies, fuschias, begonias , lobelias in hanging baskets riotously tumbling over each other, vying for the last of the attention for this year, both from the humans and the sun. The leaves of the mighty oak always seem to be the first to cave in, and almost as if giving up the battle too soon have begun to dry and fall. Some others age more gracefully - the Sumac now has its striking burgundy spikes of flowers competing with not just its stalks of beautiful green leaves, but also the dazzling orange and red ones of those that have changed their hue.  Just how many beautiful colours can there be on one tree simultaneously?

The spirituality of nature hasn't been more evident than now - the has been, is and will be living side by side - in quiet, gentle, soothing harmony.

Meet this young man - my son!

I know this will make you cringe and wince if & when you read it - for someone who has a sentimental streak, you can't stand reading 'corny, mushy' write ups! However, whilst booking our tickets to India, I thought of how long it has been since you visited, and that its likely to be much longer too. My folks don't know the new you - oh I tell them about how laid back you are etc, but they don't know this young man that you've turned out to be. So, I'm introducing him to my near and dear ones!

You've turned out to be quite a surprise - oh, I didn't worry about the integrity and deceny aspects, after all you come from good stock on both sides! But there is a gentleness, a streak of kindness, bordering on tenderness - that surprises me. You're quite understanding too - have always had that knack of figuring people even from quite a young age. But most surprising of all has been your willingness to be house trained!  We did have many 'Mr Bean' moments with eggs (oh, and I'm the clumsy one?!), and how can I forget that wonderful raita you made - a big piece of cucumber cut into 4 large lumps, floating in a pool of unbeaten yoghurt...the memory gives me nightmares even today! But then, I have so many other memories too - how you woke up at 8am when clothes had to be hung out (and not once did I hear you grumble about that - infact, you would brush your teeth, and emerge with a great big smile, ready to give your crabby mum a good morning hug!), these were hung out in a specific manner, following all codes laid out in the unwritten book of 'Iyer's rules'! And take them off in the evening , folding them haphazardly (all except appa's - which were left in a neat pile on his bed!). How you learnt to chop vegetables - even onions - so finely, all pieces a similar size (I know, I'm silly that way!). How you would iron my clothes (and some of yours), and fold them crisply, leaving them on my bed with some silly note attached. How you would sweep the kitchen floor (the manner depended very much on whether or not you were supervised!), washed vessels, dripping water all over the sink and even some of the floor (please don't ever attempt any crime, you will have evidence left all over the world pointing to you!)...laying the table & clearing up for and after dinner was your chore, shall we say one that was accomplished in an interesting manner?! Or how you peeled potatoes, humming annoyingly, 'peeling...peelin...peel...', that tune haunts me whenever I look at an alu today! Oh, and watering my pots/plants for me, though you didn't see much of a point in it! Helping unload the groceries (shhh, shall not mention where you put the bottle of fresh milk!!). Oh, we got into several arguments, some quite heated. But you always apologised if it was your fault, and accepted the apology I grunted out quite graciously. You've, in short , become quite a man, my son.

Ladies and gentlemen - I give you this lovely young man, my son....

Khoob saare Alu parathas!

There are many types of potatoes you get here - Charlotte, New potatoes, whitepotatoes, Desiree (Red skinned) potatoes, baking potatoes, Maris Piper, Anya...just to name a few! While I've tried Anya, Desiree...used the MP ones for cutlets, I mainly use New potatoes for the Indian subjis, as the couple of others I've tried don't taste too good in desi recipes. I've casually skimmed through articles on varieties of potatoes, disdainfully disregarding the description of 'waxy Charlottes...' as some silly nonsense spouted by the author...well, here's my experience of the said 'waxy' Charlotte...


The Man decided to buy MORE potatoes (I can't wait for him to grow out of the current phase he is going through - buying anything that's on 'offer'!), and so, whilst glaring at the 3 kgs of potatoes I now had, I decided to use the Charlotte ones he bought to make Alu parathas, as I thought that adding ginger, fresh dhania and some spices ought to lift the taste even the dullest tasting pots. So, I pressure cooked them, and while Adit peeled & mashed them later, went for a lovely walk.  On my return, added the ginger etc etc to the mashed potatoes, then noticed that the mixture did seem rather...er...how do I put this...waxy! Realising that I wouldn't be able to use this mixture as a filler to roll out the 'stuffed' parathas as planned...and rejecting the little voice in my head that suggested deep frying them with some chopped onions, besan etc...(as I'd had my fill of deep frying that morning - vadams, appalams of 2 types etc), I decided to add atta to the mash, thus giving it some body - and me the opportunity to roll it out....and now the fun began.
For the more atta I added, the more seasoning it needed...and the greedy Charlotte just sucked it all in, and beamed with wicked waxiness at me, challenging and urging me to add more atta...and some more...then some more.... an hour or so later - and with about 15 more cooked alu parathas than was originally planned for! - I learnt a valuable lesson about Charlotte - SHE IS ONE WAXY LADY!


Not all stories have happy endings, darlins'...some just have bahut saare alu parathas instead!


P.S - you would think that I've learnt a harsh lesson in life, and have given up on making alu parathas....but guess what's in the pipeline tomorrow?!?!