Growing up, many of us have heard the words, 'you will know when you become a parent yourself!'. Sometimes these words are said in anger, sometimes in despair, sometimes with resignation and wisdom....but whatever the emotion, I must acknowledge the truth behind these words, for I've indeed often felt that I realised the value of my parents not only after I became a mother myself, but even before that, shortly after I married and moved away from home....
One assumes that all parents are caring, and put their children and their well being before that of their own. Sadly we all know that is not always the case. Oh, I'm not talking about the extreme end of the spectrum here - where a parent (or God forbid - both of them) is a diabolical creature, and sets out to abuse the child in innumerable ways. I'm talking of those who are more of a regular occurrence than you and I would imagine. One also assumes it is natural and thus easy for a parent to be always giving and forgiving, kind and compassionate, generous and encouraging towards their off spring - no matter what their behaviour maybe!
I remember the shock I felt when I saw a mother take away from her adult son something he saved and bought for himself, to be given away to her husband! I remember the shock I felt when I saw a selfish couple argue about who had more of a right to their son's well being - more than he did himself! This young man - a good friend of mine - was dating a lovely (both appearance and character wise), young English girl. My friend had been widowed - the wife had committed suicide, a very tragic but true story. After a few years he met this lovely young girl - he was of course much older than her. The parents objected - she would not be right for us, culturally and otherwise! He bowed in to their pressure...and lo and behold, a few years later, fell in love with an american lady - this one was a divorcee, and older than him too....and guess what the parents felt? "the other one was better - can't you go back to her? Atleast she was young!".
But this was not the only issue - they would always somehow put their wants and needs before that of their son's. As one grows older, one sees parents trying to exert control over their child's life, trying to live it on their behalf! While age does give us all the wisdom that life's experiences have taught us, it doesn't necessarily give us some divine talent of always knowing what is right, or the right to tell someone how to live their lives!
I digress - the reason I began writing this was to acknowledge - with gratitude - what my parents did for me. They never gave us sermons, didn't preach, did not stop us from whatever foolish dreams we may - or may not! - have had. Some may say they did not 'push' us to perform better, but I disagree. I know the natural tendency is to what the best for your child, and thus in some way or form coerce or atleast get involved in his/her life choices. My parents just lived their life in a decent manner - thus teaching us right from wrong. I know for certain the numerous sacrifices my mother made to ensure we had what we needed. My father allowed her the freedom and the liberty to rule the roost, without interfering with her ways. We did not hear words of reassurrences - but were never in doubt that they were always there for us. We did not get hugs - or were not told how much we were loved - but none of us were ever in doubt of the love they had for us. They did not rave and rant or shout and threaten - and yet we had a strong, healthy sense of respect for them - and did not cross the invisible line! And somehow we also knew that even if we ever did so - they would still be there for us!
So this is an ode to my lovely, wonderful parents - I tell my friends this very often, and it is so true - they were way ahead of their times! Thank you, amma and appa. Thank you God - for allowing me to be born to my parents, who are like no other. What a wonderful start in life!
Oh - and yes, they were right - I have appreciated them more since I became a parent myself!
